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Monthly Update

May 28, 2013

Janis wins a Grammy

Janis wins a Grammy

Pat: Are you busy?

Janis: ...

Pat: Are you busy?

Janis: ...

Pat: ARE YOU BUSY?!?!?!

Janis: <tearing eyes away from computer> No. Of course not. What's up?

Pat: Could you teach Gracie Mae to swim?

Janis: ???

Pat: Janis. Could you please teach Gracie Mae to swim? I've got three trials coming up, I don't have time.

Janis: She already knows how to swim. She's a dog.

Pat: She's a dog who keeps snapping at flies when they go by, trying to catch one and eat it. She needs to learn some other form of exercise.

Janis: She's a Portuguese Water Dog. She already knows how to swim. Trust me.

Pat: <mutters> Last time you said that, we wound up in Hackensack. By the garbage dump.

Janis: Besides, I'm really tired. I don't know why I'm so tired. Maybe I need some vitamins.

The tour, all 14,000 miles of it

The tour, all 14,000 miles of it

Pat: Yeah, I don't know why you're tired. It's not like you've been doing anything. Winning a Grammy, 10 weeks of one-nighters, four and five in a row with travel every single day - do you realize you've played in 46 states over the past eight months?! Did a living room concert for Judy Jance, recorded "The Tiny Mouse", worked with Lemniscaat Publishing and The Schuberts on that illustrated children's book coming out this fall -

Janis: <not listening.> Maybe it's lack of B complex...

Pat: - recorded a piece for the Jean Ritchie tribute CD, organized a benefit for Scarritt Bennett, put new things on your website, rehearsed with Cynthia Clawson, Alison Brown, Andrea Zonn, and Diana Jones -

Janis: Or it could be some strange disease... a parasite from sushi?

Janis & Judy Jance

Janis & Judy Jance

Pat: - narrated a bunch of stories for the Stars anthology, hired a literary agent, hired new business managers, signed with a new music publisher - found new things to put on your site...

Janis: ...or maybe you can get brain bedbugs? I've been staying at an awful lot of hotels...

Pat: Wasn't this the summer you were going to stay home and write your next album? Just because you're up for two Audie Awards, doesn't mean you have to spend an entire week in New York traipsing around to parties and panels and hosting teas at Book Expo and APAC -

Janis: <Still not listening.> I really need to get some work done. I've been sitting around on my butt for days now...

Pat: - and then you're off to LA to record Miriam Therese Winter's autobiography for Audible.com when you can barely pronounce half the words, since when do nice Jewish girls talk about “schola” and sing songs written by a Catholic nun?! Not to mention -

Janis, Andrea, Cynthia, Alison and Diana

Janis, Andrea, Cynthia, Alison and Diana

Janis: Maybe it's menopause? I should have my blood checked.

Pat: It's not menopause. You've been in menopause for years now. Possibly decades. I live with it. On top of all that -

Janis: No, probably not menopause. I'm too young for that.

Pat: - I just know you're going to visit the Big Bang Theory set again while you're narrating that Maggie Schein book about some cantos lost in some cave with a weird name, which I can understand because of the forward by Pat Conroy and you still have that letter he wrote you decades ago -

Janis: Narcolepsy? No, I stay awake most of the day. Most days...

Pat: - and then off to Chicago for the American Library Association convention so you can introduce The Tiny Mouse personally to all those librarians, and I know you love libraries but you didn't have to agree to close out the entire convention with a show!

Janis: Maybe I should go to the doctor.

Pat: You don't need a doctor! You need to slow down!! Why on earth are you teaching at Swannanoa again? Yes, you love Warren Wilson College, yes, the Pearl Foundation endows a scholarship there, yes, the Foundation's given away $700,000 in scholarships to a bunch of schools so far, but what can an artist possibly learn from you that they can't learn from your website?

Janis: I'll have more energy if I lose weight. Maybe I'll stop drinking. Or eating. Or looking in mirrors.

Janis & Melissa at Big Bang Theory

Janis & Melissa at Big Bang Theory

Pat: And now you're talking about a children's album, plus your own, and when are you going to write them is what I'd like to know? How you managed to finish "I'm Still Standing" and get it up on Youtube is beyond me - and you've already signed on to narrate more books!

Janis: Or wearing clothes. If I stop wearing clothes, I don't have to worry about whether they fit.

Pat: Janis. Are you listening to me at all?!

Janis: ...

Pat: Did you hear a single word I said?

Janis: I have a few days between events, Pat. I'll teach Gracie Mae the backstroke while I'm home. That way she can get some exercise and still leave her mouth free to catch flies. Don't worry about it, I've got it covered.

Pat: <sighs in defeat> Thanks....

Janis Ian


Hot News
  • What?! Another auction, you ask? And Janis is still not making any money from it? Well, thank you Covid-19.

    Yet another auction in the hope of continuing to fund the Pearl Foundation when I'm unable to tour.

  • Ebay Auction To Benefit The Pearl Foundation

    Please share!! As many of you know, my wife and I moved recently, downsizing from 4,500 sq ft to 1,000. We have no room left for most of my "stuff"!!! so I'm in the process of donating my archives, so most of my memorabilia is going there - however, my friend Joan Maute helped me select things that seemed appropriate for Pearl Foundation fundraisers. We are beginning with a 7-day auction with multiple items.This auction will end Sunday, May 16th at 4:00PM PT.

  • Pearl Foundation Update

    Astonished and grateful to say that the Pearl Foundation has donated $44,000 in scholarship endowments for the year 2020, bringing our grand total to $1,235,500.00 in scholarship funding, with more than 75 graduates to date. Thank you all for your support!

[more hot news]

Tour Dates

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All tour dates updated on August 6, 2021

[full tour dates list]

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