Conversations With My Wife – An album, a bra, and supply chain conspiracies

Janis Ian - Photo by Keith Stokes

Pat: Where are you going?
Janis: To work. 
<pause>
Pat: Where are you working?
Janis: In my workspace.
Pat: So, you’re going downstairs.
Janis: Yes. 
Pat <confused>: Why are you wearing a bra to go downstairs?
Janis: It’s Record Release Day. First album in 15 years! I’m celebrating my fabulousness.
Pat: By wearing a bra?
Janis: I always wear a bra when I Go To Work.
Pat: Because…
Janis: Um… 
<pause>
Janis <triumphantly>: Because I’m At Work. And At Work, I wear a bra.
<silence>
Pat: I thought the album came out last year?
Janis: So did I. These past two years really got smeared together, didn’t they? In real time, it’s out today. In all digital formats. And for those of us who don’t trust The Cloud, physical CDs are available in local stores everywhere but Europe, the UK, Ireland, Australia, Japan, and Ittoqqortoormiit. 
Pat: Why can’t I buy a CD if I’m in Ittoqqortoormiit? That’s discrimination!
Janis: Blame the supply chain disruptions. Can’t even get vinyl until August.
Pat <darkly>: Sounds like a conspiracy to me.
Janis: Only because you’re paying attention. 
Pat: If I lived in Europe, I would want to play it in my CD player while I drove to work.
Janis <patiently>: No one drives to work in Europe. They take the train.
Pat: Still. I would want a CD. 
Janis: We haven’t gotten them through yet. Hopefully soon.
Pat: Wait! I could order from your website! Support the artist by buying direct! Drive up sales!! 
Janis: Pat, you already have a copy.
Pat: I do? I only have the one that came out last year.
<silence>
Pat <excited>: Janis, if enough people bought the album and bundles from your website, we could get you a #1 record
Janis <still patient>: No one is tracking my website sales. And shipping overseas is ruinously expensive. We can’t even get anything through to Australia right now. They say it’s our postal system, we say it’s their postal system…
Pat <darkly>: Sounds like another conspiracy to me. 
Janis <cheerfully>: Back to the 60’s!! Conspiracies and protest songs! Folk music! Eclectic solos! Be the first on your block!
Pat: You really are determined that this is your swan song? You’ll never make another solo studio album?  
Janis: Nope.
Pat: That’s ridiculous. This is what you do.
Janis: Nope. What I do is write, and be creative. What I’m doing is going out on tour for the next eleven months – 
Pat: –  while wearing a bra.
Janis: Yes, but only when I Go To Work!

Featured image by Keith Stokes