Scene: Janis leaning out a living room window, casting invisible items into the open air.
Pat enters the room.
Pat: What are you doing?! I thought we’d agreed you’re too old for Peter Pan to show up and teach you to fly. Get back from there, it’s dangerous!
Janis: I’m throwing my single out into the open air.
<Makes throwing gestures.>
Janis: Fly, little single! Fly! Be free!
Pat: There’s a new single? Why don’t I have an autographed copy for my collection?
Janis: Your “collection” is entirely too big as it is.
Pat <virtuously>: I have every single Janis Ian 8-track ever made. Every. Single. One. Autographed. Why don’t I have a signed copy of this single?
Janis: It’s a digital single.
Janis: Not physical. Digital.
Pat: That’s silly. How could you play it in a jukebox?
Janis: You use a virtual jukebox.
Pat: Nonsense. If it’s not a CD how will I play it in my car?
Janis: Your car still has a CD player?
Janis: The point is that I have an album coming out —
Pat: — yes, I know, I had to eat TV dinners for three months because of it —
Janis: — and I’m releasing the second single today —
Pat: — not to mention tuna noodle casserole which even I got tired of after a while.
Janis: It’s good I was out of the house for that. Really, if God had meant us to eat warmed over tuna, he’d have spawned them in microwaves.
Pat: You just don’t appreciate the finer things in life.
Janis: Yes, well, back to me, I’m releasing my single into the open air, and asking the universe to listen.
Pat: What song is it?
Pat: You can’t release “Resist.” Not into the open air. People will hear it.
Janis: That’s kind of the point.
Pat: No no no. That’s a dangerous song, Janis. It talks about sex. And feminism. Graphic stuff you wouldn’t be allowed to teach in normal high schools, let alone in Texas.
Janis <pulling her head out of the window>: What is that weird smell?
Pat: Probably your imagination. Go back to “Resist.” Why on earth would you put that out? Why not something safe, like “Baby Shark?” I thought your a cappella rendition was very moving.
Janis: No, it has to be “Resist.” Also, I think it’s one of the best songs I’ve ever written.
Pat: Nevertheless. Janis Ian singing “I cannot be your virgin and I will not be your whore.” Really?!
Janis <annoyed>: Really! What’s wrong with that?
Pat: I don’t know, I kind of liked the idea of you still being a virgin. Of sorts.
Janis: At seventy?
Pat: I did say “Of sorts”….
Pat: Wait, what do you mean, you’re releasing a single? You need a record company to release a record.
Janis: I have a record company.
Pat: You have a record company? Why did I not know this?
Janis: I started Rude Girl Records back in 2012. Remember?
Pat: I do not remember…. Boy, if you’d told me you owned a whole record company…
Pat: Wait a minute. Doesn’t that mean I also own a record company?
Janis: I believe I’ll go make dinner now.
Pat: Don’t bother. I’ve got a tuna noodle casserole in the oven.
Listen to the “Resist” single out now.
The Light At The End Of The Line is now available for pre-order. Pre-order the album and exclusive bundles (including signed items!) from the “official store” for delivery on or before the album’s January 21, 2022 release date, or pre-order/pre-save from your preferred digital music service. Showing your support by pre-ordering the album goes a long way.