And Another Year of Change
One year ago, I found myself writing this to you: “A Year of Change“
I don’t mind saying, it’s been a rough time. After I’d canceled my tour and talked with my crew, Pat and I both went into shock. It was one thing when I’d decided not to do any more extended touring – I still planned to play festivals, sing on my colleague’s records, and of course, finish my final tour. The money from merchandise would go to fund my archives at Berea College, and I’d get to spend a year playing my favorite venues all over the world, while spending time with friends overseas.
Ugh. The best laid plans, right?! We told ourselves it wasn’t so bad. I suddenly had lots of free time. To play with the dog. Write a book. Enjoy being home. Yeah, I kept telling myself that but…
It really was bad. If you’ve ever been deeply depressed, you’ll know how exhausting it is. I slept for weeks, and sleep-walked through my days, taking care of essential business but otherwise just… existing. I can’t even call it “being”. It was just getting through.
Time passed. Eventually, I realized I was not going to get over the loss of my ability to sing professionally any time soon. I gave myself permission to stay in whatever emotional place I was in; to grieve, complain, rail at the sky and break down in tears. No pushing myself to write, play, attend concerts, or do much of anything related to my work. I trusted that one day, my heart would begin to heal. And about four months ago, I started climbing out of it.
Even so, the daily reminders don’t stop. Today we were double-checking our “go bags” in the event of a hurricane evacuation, and there at the bottom of mine was a T-shirt from Freight & Salvage, along with one from the Venue Theatre in Ratoath, Ireland, reminding me of where I’d been – and where I had intended to return in concert this year.
September 12, 2022
Unfortunately, the laryngitis that forced the postponement of some spring dates has turned out to be more complicated than a simple, treatable laryngitis. There is vocal fold scarring; since it’s not due to polyps or singing incorrectly, the doctors can only speculate as to why, but treatments are very limited. And it would be many months before we’d know the outcome of any treatment.
It is most unlikely that I’ll ever sound like myself again.
I consider myself lucky that this is not life-threatening, though the loss in my own small world is staggering.
I’m going to take a few weeks to get used to this, then deal with the logistics of what to do with everything we’d prepared for the tour, like a zillion CDs… be patient, please.
Please contact the venues for refunds, and thank you all for your support and love.