does it ever go away?

[david uk]

this is a bit of a self-pitying post but also a request for people who have experienced similar problems to share experiences...

I had a huge breakdown a year ago coupled with anxiety attacks. I was off work for almost 5 months and went back in February on a graduated return to work scheme helped by my employer (a US bank- they have been great) and the National Health Occpational Health Service- doing just a few hours a day but on full pay.

I have been on a fairly high dose of medication and am just coming to the end of a course of psychotherapy which has been good and I have moved forward from where I was.

BUT yesterday at work I had an anxiety attack for no apparent reason and had to stop what I was doing at work- my manager was cool about it as she often is. I am on this graduated return to work so they are being very accommodating at the moment but if this kind of thing keeps happening then they will start to ask whether this work is right for me, and I certainly can't afford to lose the job.

I don't like the job but I am capable of doing it and after a few months back I am sure I could move on to something else which better suits my abilities and intellect.

So my question is- does anxiety ever go away?- I spent last night awake panicking and as a result am not at work today- that is not a solution- I have to learn to cope...

sorry for this self-absorbed rant, but I figured this was the best place to sound off

on a positive note, Janis arrives in the UK in less than 2 weeks!

[david uk]

sorry to reply to my own post lol

just had a phone call from my manager at work who told me not to worry- she is supporting me 100% and also said she had had some excellent feedback about me from her managers.....

so why when everyone tells you you're doing great do you think you're not good enough lol

oh well.... just going to put FINB on and have a coffee

[RedjackRyan]

Its human nature David Happy to know your boss is behind you fully, that makes a big difference.


Enjoy your coffee, matter of fact.. move over.. i'll join you.

[Margay]

It might, it might not.
I know I still freak out from time to time.

Do you remember that scene from 'As good as it gets'? Jack Nicholson walks out of his psychiatrist's office and asks the people in the waiting room "What if this is as good as it gets?", leaving the whole room stunned.

As for myself, I haven't found the answer yet.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, hang in there buddy!

Margay

[Racheldiva]

Hi Dave,
don't ever feel not good good enough. That's not fair on yourself.

In case it helps, let me share my experiences.
I'll have to admit that I had troubled childhood and as a result grew up into quite a sensitive and worrisome child. The thing that helped me become the stronger person that I am today was some great and sensistive coaching from a good friend trained in the science of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).

The best form of this is not the dynamic and expensive courses that have hundreds or thousands of people attending that you can go on, but the systematic restructuring that can rework issues during one to one coaching.

I'm not going to preach about this approach and I certainly don't go on about it saying it's the best thing since sliced bread, but I can personally say that it's helped me a great deal. I'm not even suggesting that you try it if you're not comfortable and I don't know enough about what you suffer from. But just in case there's a tiny chance that it might be something that could possibly work for you, I thought I'd mention it in case.

All the very best Dave and hope you feel better soon.
Rachel.

[Fursky]

Professionally speaking I think you are doing a hell of a good job re-acclimating to your profession and your world in general. I read your posts and your replies and I say you have come a long way and will continue to do so. Of course there will be set backs or the entire issue wouldn't have been an issue to begin with. So keep your chin up and reconfirm yourself with positive daily affirmations.

[david uk]

really great replies everyone- especially Fursky- I have been told that I have great "insight" into my issues- (childhood trauma) - but the step from that to breaking the link between that and what I am going through now is a big one... anyway I will get there

[Dee]

It's like I told you David, one thing at a time. Progress requires it, and you are progressing, very well I'd say.

xo

[diver_boy]

david, i have been there .... unfortunately for my circumstance, i had to leave my job because i didnt want to feel that way anymore.

but you ARE doing a splending job, even if your boss is saying so. KEEP UP The good work.

xx

[NinasSpaceChild]

Hi David.

Are you having more good days than bad? If you are then that is really positive, and I hoe can be improved slowly so that you have mainly good days. Don't rush yourself though.

I have never had a breakdown but I do have bad anxiety attacks sometimes, to the point where I have physically collapsed in the middle of supermarkets. Everytime it has happened I have been on my own and it is terrifying. I am convinced I am going to die. Over years though I have learned to recognise when one is coming and I can get myself to a safe place until it passes normally.

I can't really offer any advice to you or promise that they go away, because I don't know, but I do hope that you continue to improve and find a way of dealing with tour attacks.

And you have good genuine friends here on this board and I think that is an excellent support network for you.