does it ever go away?

[david uk]

this is a bit of a self-pitying post but also a request for people who have experienced similar problems to share experiences...

I had a huge breakdown a year ago coupled with anxiety attacks. I was off work for almost 5 months and went back in February on a graduated return to work scheme helped by my employer (a US bank- they have been great) and the National Health Occpational Health Service- doing just a few hours a day but on full pay.

I have been on a fairly high dose of medication and am just coming to the end of a course of psychotherapy which has been good and I have moved forward from where I was.

BUT yesterday at work I had an anxiety attack for no apparent reason and had to stop what I was doing at work- my manager was cool about it as she often is. I am on this graduated return to work so they are being very accommodating at the moment but if this kind of thing keeps happening then they will start to ask whether this work is right for me, and I certainly can't afford to lose the job.

I don't like the job but I am capable of doing it and after a few months back I am sure I could move on to something else which better suits my abilities and intellect.

So my question is- does anxiety ever go away?- I spent last night awake panicking and as a result am not at work today- that is not a solution- I have to learn to cope...

sorry for this self-absorbed rant, but I figured this was the best place to sound off:)

on a positive note, Janis arrives in the UK in less than 2 weeks!:D

[david uk]

sorry to reply to my own post lol

just had a phone call from my manager at work who told me not to worry- she is supporting me 100% and also said she had had some excellent feedback about me from her managers.....

so why when everyone tells you you're doing great do you think you're not good enough lol

oh well.... just going to put FINB on and have a coffee:)

[RedjackRyan]

Its human nature David ;) Happy to know your boss is behind you fully, that makes a big difference.


Enjoy your coffee, matter of fact.. move over.. i'll join you.

[Margay]

It might, it might not.
I know I still freak out from time to time.

Do you remember that scene from 'As good as it gets'? Jack Nicholson walks out of his psychiatrist's office and asks the people in the waiting room "What if this is as good as it gets?", leaving the whole room stunned.

As for myself, I haven't found the answer yet.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, hang in there buddy!

Margay

[Racheldiva]

Hi Dave,
don't ever feel not good good enough. That's not fair on yourself.

In case it helps, let me share my experiences.
I'll have to admit that I had troubled childhood and as a result grew up into quite a sensitive and worrisome child. The thing that helped me become the stronger person that I am today was some great and sensistive coaching from a good friend trained in the science of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming).

The best form of this is not the dynamic and expensive courses that have hundreds or thousands of people attending that you can go on, but the systematic restructuring that can rework issues during one to one coaching.

I'm not going to preach about this approach and I certainly don't go on about it saying it's the best thing since sliced bread, but I can personally say that it's helped me a great deal. I'm not even suggesting that you try it if you're not comfortable and I don't know enough about what you suffer from. But just in case there's a tiny chance that it might be something that could possibly work for you, I thought I'd mention it in case.

All the very best Dave and hope you feel better soon.
Rachel.

[Fursky]

Professionally speaking I think you are doing a hell of a good job re-acclimating to your profession and your world in general. I read your posts and your replies and I say you have come a long way and will continue to do so. Of course there will be set backs or the entire issue wouldn't have been an issue to begin with. So keep your chin up and reconfirm yourself with positive daily affirmations. ;)

[david uk]

really great replies everyone- especially Fursky- I have been told that I have great "insight" into my issues- (childhood trauma) - but the step from that to breaking the link between that and what I am going through now is a big one... anyway I will get there:)

[Dee]

It's like I told you David, one thing at a time. Progress requires it, and you are progressing, very well I'd say.

xo

[diver_boy]

david, i have been there .... unfortunately for my circumstance, i had to leave my job because i didnt want to feel that way anymore.

but you ARE doing a splending job, even if your boss is saying so. KEEP UP The good work.

xx

[NinasSpaceChild]

Hi David.

Are you having more good days than bad? If you are then that is really positive, and I hoe can be improved slowly so that you have mainly good days. Don't rush yourself though.

I have never had a breakdown but I do have bad anxiety attacks sometimes, to the point where I have physically collapsed in the middle of supermarkets. Everytime it has happened I have been on my own and it is terrifying. I am convinced I am going to die. Over years though I have learned to recognise when one is coming and I can get myself to a safe place until it passes normally.

I can't really offer any advice to you or promise that they go away, because I don't know, but I do hope that you continue to improve and find a way of dealing with tour attacks.

And you have good genuine friends here on this board and I think that is an excellent support network for you.

[Irish Beth]

This may sound trite and simple......but I don't mean it that way......and it is the hardest thing to do..........I struggle with it every day.

Trust yourself
Love yourself
Allow yourself to be who you are
Do the very best you can - the best only you know you can do and do not let anyone else set goals for you.

Hang in there.

Irish Beth

[Randy & Betty in Pa]

So my question is- does anxiety ever go away?- I spent last night awake panicking and as a result am not at work today- that is not a solution- I have to learn to cope...


David my friend,

As you asked I will offer my opinion to the root question which we all know to varying degrees... Does anxiety ever go away?

Not really, I don't think so...we seem to find ways to manufacture anxiety from within... Does that mean we are doomed to a life of depression? No, not that either... That means to me when the system takes a swing at you, stand up and swing back. In your soul, heart and mind you know that these fears or anxietys can be a real pain in the butt... Still you know in your mind that often these problems that create the stress are often smaller issues than are self magnifying anxiety you attach to the degree of becoming less and less managible... I guess to me it's a matter of perspective... if you get to the point where the real problem is recognizable without allowing it to overwhelm or add to itself perhaps you will find it easier to deal with. Between medication, therapy and confidence in yourself you can beat this David.... Once the diagnosis is made you have a direction and path... David your doing better daily as your Manager will (and seems to have) attested to.... Have confidence in yourself and those that support you...Look for the bright sun, the beautiful day and the wonderful music... What else really matters?

Best to you my friend

R. from Pa

[folkrocks]

:) I also suffer from anxiety periodically. I have a skin disorder called Psoriasis and occassionally it decides to break out. And when it does, look out, I don't want to go any where or let anyone see me. I get very anxious and it all goes back to how I was treated as a child. Thrown out of a swimming pool when I was in the fifth grade. Lifeguard told me I was dirtying up the water. Yea, right. Well you get the idea. There are many famous people who suffer from anxiety, Carly Simon, Donny Osmond, Kim Bassinger, just to name a few. Have you tried Biofeedback, that helps some people.
Hang in there and you are not alone.
Sue

[david uk]

Thanks everyone, makes me proud to be a rudie as always! Feeling better now and think I'm ready to face work tomorrow.....

thanks to everyone your messages were all encouraging- randy yours was inspiring and thanks to Dee and Anne (Manchester) as always for your off-board support and friendship :)

[DaveM]

A metaphorical experience which MIGHT apply....

Some ages ago, I took a college creative writing course (as waste of time, by the way--if you want to write creatively, spend the time WRITING instead of taking courses!). Near the end of the term, as class had ended and I was gathering my things to go, I overheard a conversation between the professor and a very frustrated student.

"But I thought this was supposed to get easier!" she nearly sobbed.

"Ah...." the professor said, after some consideration, "It never gets easier. It just gets better."

I've found that applies to any number of life situations as well. And it's very strange, but often, when confronted by two paths, the more difficult one usually proves to be the more rewarding.

[Eva]

I don't know if it will ever go away, David. I don't have anything comforting to say about it because I really don't know. I wonder the same about my depressions. I learned that mine are chronical so I guess I am stuck with them for ever. I have no idea if your anxietyatacks will go away or will keep coming back from time to time. But I agree with the others: it seems you are doing well. Keep going like this, David. It's the best you can do.

Eva

[hoops]

daviduk, i've been in therapy and on med for many years and moat likely will be for my life... but it's not always that way. AND i'm doing much better now than i was just a few short years ago. thru some very good therapy called dialectical behaviorla therapy Developed by Marcia Linahan. it is a program made up of a mixture of eastern philosophy and western psychiatry... ask your therapist about it... it teaches you that life is going to go on, stress is going to happen and your illness will need to be considered in the mix and using all the methods availible you will learn what sets you off, and how to cope when you are set off and how to accept that that's the way life goes whether we are ill or not. our task is not to stop life from happening but to become mindful of it and find things that help us grow. this is a quick little view, but i think it is the greatest program i've ever encountered. i can't say yes or no about your anxiety. i can say it can b get better.
peace
Noel

[Denise]

hey daviduk....I can't add to what other Rudies have already said.
I have no experience personally so therefore could not imagine what it all feels like or what one goes through with anxiety attacks, depression, etc.

What I CAN add is that from my heart I wish you the best in conquering this and please know that I mean that sincerely....

[SongDragon]

Hey David, I'm a bit late replying.

I feel anxiety as well, though only once do I believe I've ever had an "anxiety attack". However I know the feeling quite well, and it seems quite unexplainable. The problem is, even when everyone supports you and tells you you're doing well, it just makes you want to "live up to" or "outrank" their standards of you already, and that just puts more pressure on. Everyone tells me I'm an "intelligent kid", and when I get on a test all that intelligence seems to float away from the stress.

I hope you can calm down. I usually have no problem calming down if I just sort of think, "okay, that quiz problem is done now, no use thinking about it" or "I can't do anything about it yet, go to sleep". I started this after my second month of seventh grade when I woke up to find my hands typing in midair--no wonder I didn't feel like I was getting any sleep!

~SongDragon

[Oak Kitten]

David,

You did not mention what type of therapy you have had, but I have had great success with cognitive behavioral therapy. It helps you to identify the distortions in your thinking that cause your anxiety and depression, and teaches you how to fight back. There are two good books by Dr. David Burns, called Feeling Good, and the Feeling Good Handbook that I highly recommend. The book defines 10 major cognitive distortions:

1. ALL OR NOTHING THINKING - if you performance falls short of perfection, you see yourslef as a total failure.

2. OVERGENERALIZATION - You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat

3. MENTAL FILTER - You pick out a single negative factor and dwell on it exclusively until your vision of all reality becomes darkened.

4. DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE - You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for one reason or another.

5. JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS -
Mind reading- you automatically conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don't bother to check this out

Fortune Teller Error - You predict that things are going to turn out badly, and you are convinced your prediction is an already-established fact.

6. MAGNIFICATION (CATASTROPHIZING) THE BAD AND MINIMIZING THE GOOD also known as the "binocular trick"

7. EMOTIONAL REASONING - You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect things as they really are - I feel this way, so it must be true.

8. SHOULD STATEMENTS - You try to motivate yourself with should and shouldn'ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything.

9. LABELING AND MISLABELING - an extreme form of overgeneralization or describing and event in language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded; I'm a loser; He's a sh*thead

10. PERSONALIZATION - You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.

If you see yourself in some (or all) of these, I strongly recommend you get the book. I worked with a therapist as well, and it has turned my life around 180 degrees.

Oak

[Amy in Vermont]

David:

The only thing I can add to what has already been said is:

Watch out for side effects of over the counter and other meds you might think are harmless.

In 1993 I was prescribed a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug called Relafen. While taking it I had an out of the blue massive full blown anxiety attack, the only one I've ever had. It turns out to be a known side effect that a rare few people have with that drug. I have since had similar reactions to other NSAIDS, like Aleve....

So if you are taking any meds in addition to your psych meds, don't trust your doctors to tell you every thing. Use the web to read up on interactions and side effects.

A

[dragonlady]

daviduk...I've gone through a lot of this kind of cycle where I feel better and then I feel like "haven't I already dealt with this before" or "doesn't it ever go away". But over the years I've started to look life like a spiral. And each of these instances in my life where I have a new panic attack or bout of depression is a point on that spiral. What I'm experiencing feels really familiar. But because I've moved along in my life and am at a different place on the spiral, I can look at it from a much different point of view. Maybe not while I'm actively in it, feelings can overwhelm intellect, but it shows me that I am living and learning from the past and that I can grow into new ways of acting and hopfully not reacting in the future. You can cope...and you will..I'm sure of it. You've come so far already...

Hopefully this helps...I'm rambling on pain meds tonight...

-di

[david uk]

thanks again everyone- I knew I could count on my rudie friends!:)

I went into work today but had to leave after 45 minutes, but it's ok I will hopefully be back tomorrow.

david x

[Dee]

I practice the same therapy that Oak Kitten posted. Have been for 20 odd years.

[david uk]

I practice the same therapy that Oak Kitten posted. Have been for 20 odd years.

yes I did particularly like Oak Kitten's post :)

[CD Matthew]

Hi David,

Similar to Denise, I don't have personal experience in dealing with anxiety per se, although I've gone through periods of depression in my life that were difficult. I just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you as you work your way through this problem. I'm glad to hear that you have a therapist with whom you work well, as I believe this can be such an important component to any kind of emotional/psychological/spiritual work. I'm very fortunate to work with someone who's very very good, and with whom I have good chemistry and a strong foundation of trust.

Hang in there, my friend, and know that there are many people rooting for you, thinking of you, and available to you for support.

All good wishes....

CD Matthew